Well I’ve had a traumatic couple of weeks. I felt quite depressed last week about something that someone said to me. The good news is that this depression was quite different to depressions that I have felt in the past. This is to do with the strength that I have gained from not drinking so much alcohol. There is no doubt that when I was drinking a lot of alcohol my moods were up and down, and I was weaker, over all. Although I was strong some of the time, when I was drinking a lot, I was also very weak some of the time, as I was going from two weeks of being strong to two weeks of being weak. This time around I had quite a bit of strength, even though I was depressed.
I did become very quiet at work, during this depression, as I felt angry and withdrawn. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I had thought that my workmates would think that I was weird or rude because of it. I took a couple of days sick leave. I went back to work yesterday and although I know that a couple of my workmates are a bit unsure of me, most of them are talking to me like normal. I am sure that most of my workmates understand that I was just having a bad day. I wasn’t abusive to my workmates when I was quiet and withdrawn, I just stopped talking to them.
I’m slowly getting my confidence back and I’m making an effort to be friendly to my workmates. I just put down the fact that a couple of my workmates feel uneasy around me to not being able to please everyone. I, like everyone else can never please everyone, and although many people will understand that I was just in a bad mood that day, there are those who won’t like my behaviour. That will happen even if I was happy all the time though. ie. many people aren’t going to like me in this world no matter how I behave, and it’s the same for everyone else on this planet.
I am still growing. Although The Sinclair Method has been working on me for a good year now, my mind is still getting used to not relying on alcohol to sedate me. That takes time.
They say that The Sinclair Method will cure the average alcoholic in 3-6 months (it took me a year to fully recover but that’s okay), that is the physical drinking side of things but I find that the mental side of alcoholism takes longer to get over. It is no quicker in Alcoholics Anonymous though, in that I would say that most alcoholics are pretty sick for the first 5 years in AA. Moral: There is no quick way to recover from alcoholism, it takes years no matter how you do it.
Although my depression was a drag it still showed me that I am improving, in that I am slowly getting stronger.
Bring on growth!
Thanks for reading.