Hi again.
I’ve been doing lots of writing and thinking about my Social Phobia. I’m also in the process of listening to an audio book about CBT and Anxiety. One thing that the author says in this CBT book is that everyone suffers from anxiety at times, and that makes me feel better. I’m not weird for feeling nervous before I socialise.
The writing that I’ve been doing, in order to get to the bottom of my anxiety, has led me to a conclusion today, and that is, I’m still trying to analyse why I acted so weird just over a year ago, when I socialised with my workmates. In fact there have been several situations when I’ve acted weird with my workmates over the years. I’m still hanging onto the past and am trying to analyse it. It came to me today that I need to let go of my past. The reason why I acted so weird with my workmates was because I was abusing alcohol and my moods were swinging as a result.
I’ve changed a lot over this last year, as it is really only 3 months ago that my drinking dropped down to under 7 standard drinks each week, as opposed to the 40-50 standard drinks each week that I was drinking two years ago. I need to forget about my past because analysing it is a waste of time. I was still sick one year ago, and was even sicker 2 years ago. Although the changes in my mood have been subtle over the last two years, I know that I’m not swinging in my moods any more, so I’m bound to behave differently when I socialise nowadays. The past has gone now, and there’s no doubt that I am more sane these days, so I should start afresh. I need to forgive myself for acting weird, as it was because I was sick, and it wasn’t my fault. I have a biological tendency to enjoy alcohol more than most people, and it makes me behave strangely but it’s in my genes, and I can’t control my genes by will power, no matter how hard I try.
Anyway the bottom line is that I need to forget about my past, and look forward to my future. Sure some people are going to remember me as being a strange dude but every alcoholic has that issue, and there are plenty of alcoholics who go on to lead happy and productive lives, whether they become sober, or do The Sinclair Method.
“Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow. Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here. It’ll be here better than before. Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone”.
By the way here is the latest graph of my drinking progress on The Sinclair Method.
Thanks.
Bye for now.