In my last post I talked about how I don’t like being around people who are drinking. I have been doing some thinking about that, and I think that that isn’t the reason why I don’t like to socialise. I think that the reason why I don’t like to socialise is social anxiety. I never enjoyed parties, even in my twenties. I’ve always liked my own company and have never socialised much during my life, and I think that that’s because I feel so nervous when I’m around people, that I never enjoy myself. I become so angry and defensive when I have to go to work social functions, like the Christmas Party, because I don’t want to be there, I just go because I have to go. I believe that I really do have a Social Phobia, in that I avoid social situations as much as I can.
I went to the Chemist today to see if I could get some herbal pills to relieve this anxiety but the Chemist suggested that I see my doctor, as Valerian (a herbal relaxant) interacts with alcohol, and although I don’t drink much alcohol these days the Chemist said that I shouldn’t take Valerian. I have tried L-Theanine before but it doesn’t relax me in the slightest. I don’t want to go on more medication, and I may just spend the rest of my life avoiding socialisation as a result. I don’t know, I guess that the best thing that I can do is see my doctor about this. It sure does explain why I’m so different to other people though. I’ve always wondered why I hate parties and why other people love them. I’ve never been able to figure out why I’m so different in that regard, and perhaps this is the answer.
In some ways this is a big relief for me, in that now I know why I’m so different to other people. I’m not weird, I just feel very nervous around other people, so much so that I never enjoy myself when I socialise.
Perhaps my doctor can give me a medication with no side effects which will help me to relax. He is away at the moment so I have to wait until he’s back to talk to him. This anxiety has been with me for the last 34 odd years, so another week or so won’t matter.
I really thought that when I got my drinking under control everything would be fine but no, more problems!
Bye for now.