My Journey

Today I went from hating my job to liking it, to hating it again, then to liking it, then to hating it again etc. Man I was on a rollercoaster ride today! I think that where I work is stressful & the staff become very stressed & they bitch at me & at each other. I need to be aware of this from now on. I’ve always “expected” people to be nice to me & the reality is that when other people are under pressure they just haven’t the strength to be nice to everyone. I know that I am moody & resentful when I am under pressure & as a result I have behaved badly towards other people (even at this job I’ve said & done horrible things to the other staff at times), so I should be able to understand that they are just as human as I am. It is probably because my dad was a drunk that I expect everyone to always be nice to me. I think that all Adult Children of Alcoholics are like that, & yet if we take an honest look at ourselves we are just as grumpy & moody, when umder pressure as everyone else is.
Of course many of my workmates are alcoholics (which is the same in any workplace), so they are definately often going to be grumpy, moody, & sarcastic.
I just have to harden up if I’m ever going to recover. This to me is what growth is all about. ie. hardening up. I have hardened up a lot, over the last 30 years, ever since I started to look at myself, but obviously I still have more work to do on myself yet.
Hopefully, now that I’m aware that everyone isn’t going to be nice to me at work, & that that’s what you get from working in a stressful environment, then I’ll be able to accept reality as it is, & let the hurtfull comments slide right off me, instead of holding on to them.
Tomorrow night I’ll have some wine as I deserve a break from reality. It’s been quite a stressful week. I’ve only had one glass of wine all week, so to binge in the weekend won’t damage my liver. Anyway I find that affirmations go deeper in to my subconscious when I get drunk. It’s like when your mind is relaxed then affirmations sink in deeper, & drinking alcohol is a great way to relax the mind.
I’m getting there (I’m hardening up, in other words). It’s a slow journey but I have never regretted taking it.
See ya.