Feed on
Posts
Comments

Still on TSM

Oct 15th, 2017 by

Hi everyone.

I’m still on TSM and am hardly drinking anything at all. I haven’t had a drink in about 3 weeks now. I have decided to pretty much go full time sober, except for social outings, where alcohol is served, and I am expected to drink. I don’t even like the taste of alcohol anymore. I’d rather have a milkshake than a can of beer these days. One thing that The Sinclair Method (TSM) does, is it makes alcohol have no buzz at all, which is great for giving up without cravings but it really takes the joys of alcohol away.

The thing that has struck me this year is how bored I feel! Alcohol used to take away much of my boredom and loneliness. Now that I hardly drink, I feel more bored than ever! I don’t feel lonely so much, as I have my workmates to talk to during the week. Boredom I do feel in abundance though.

I have been keeping myself busy today, and that has helped to relieve the bored feelings. I especially have been listening to some podcasts on sobriety and that is giving me an interest. I find that when I am busy I don’t get bored. It’s just finding things that I like doing to keep me occupied that is the challenge. I don’t like sport, so watching sport is out. This new interest of mine of listening to recovery podcasts, is a good way to pass the time though.

I was blaming my job for my boredom but it really isn’t my job that’s causing it, it is the lack of alcohol. I can see that this is going to be a big challenge of mine in my sobriety. I don’t need to ever worry about going back into heavy drinking again, for as long as I take my Naltrexone an hour before I drink, I’ll remain a light drinker.

Another thing that I’m trying out to keep myself busy is going onto Paltalk. Paltalk is a website with chat rooms so that you can chat to people from around the world. I get nervous going on it though, as it is difficult for me to chat to strangers. I am forcing myself to go on it, as the best way to beat a Social Phobia is to confront it. I tend to just watch what everyone is talking about on Paltalk and I don’t say much myself but forcing myself to go on there and just be there is sure to help me to get more confidence.

That’s all for now.

Thanks for reading.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Maybe I’m okay now.

Nov 13th, 2016 by

Hi again.

I’ve been doing lots of writing and thinking about my Social Phobia. I’m also in the process of listening to an audio book about CBT and Anxiety. One thing that the author says in this CBT book is that everyone suffers from anxiety at times, and that makes me feel better. I’m not weird for feeling nervous before I socialise.

The writing that I’ve been doing, in order to get to the bottom of my anxiety, has led me to a conclusion today, and that is, I’m still trying to analyse why I acted so weird just over a year ago, when I socialised with my workmates. In fact there have been several situations when I’ve acted weird with my workmates over the years. I’m still hanging onto the past and am trying to analyse it. It came to me today that I need to let go of my past. The reason why I acted so weird with my workmates was because I was abusing alcohol and my moods were swinging as a result.

I’ve changed a lot over this last year, as it is really only 3 months ago that my drinking dropped down to under 7 standard drinks each week, as opposed to the 40-50 standard drinks each week that I was drinking two years ago. I need to forget about my past because analysing it is a waste of time. I was still sick one year ago, and was even sicker 2 years ago. Although the changes in my mood have been subtle over the last two years, I know that I’m not swinging in my moods any more, so I’m bound to behave differently when I socialise nowadays. The past has gone now, and there’s no doubt that I am more sane these days, so I should start afresh. I need to forgive myself for acting weird, as it was because I was sick, and it wasn’t my fault. I have a biological tendency to enjoy alcohol more than most people, and it makes me behave strangely but it’s in my genes, and I can’t control my genes by will power, no matter how hard I try.

Anyway the bottom line is that I need to forget about my past, and look forward to my future. Sure some people are going to remember me as being a strange dude but every alcoholic has that issue, and there are plenty of alcoholics who go on to lead happy and productive lives, whether they become sober, or do The Sinclair Method.

“Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow. Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here. It’ll be here better than before. Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone”.

By the way here is the latest graph of my drinking progress on The Sinclair Method.

screenshot_20161113-151550

Thanks.

Bye for now.

Tags: , , ,

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Some insight.

Oct 21st, 2016 by

Hi again.

I listened to a Claudia Christian interview on Youtube about The Sinclair Method yesterday. It is the one where she is interviewed by Shira Goldberg, if you want to watch it.

After listening to it, I really started to question why I was on The Sinclair Method, as I have always enjoyed my drinking, even right up to when I started on Naltrexone. My father was an alcoholic, and I know that I probably am one too, as I definitely have had cravings in my drinking career. It’s just that I have never hit bottom. There is something that Claudia said in the interview though, that made me think that it is okay that I am on The Sinclair Method after all. She says all this 9 minutes and 18 seconds into the interview, and when I went back and listened to it again, and wrote it down, I realised that yes, I am a candidate for The Sinclair Method. You don’t have to hit bottom to start on Naltrexone!

This is what Claudia said: “There’s a lot of people who want to use The Sinclair Method to go completely sober, and you can do that, and you can also use it to gain control over your drinking. You can also do it to keep yourself from becoming an alcoholic, sort of like a vaccine. In fact there are people who have alcoholism rampant in their family and their teenager, or young child, is a binge drinker, and they will put them on The Sinclair Method to prevent them from going on into a full blown alcoholic. So it has a myriad of uses.”

This makes sense to me! I am using Naltrexone to stop myself from becoming a full blown alcoholic. I am using it so that my life doesn’t become hell. I can enjoy having a few drinks now and then, for the rest of my life, just like any social drinker, because I take Naltrexone. This makes me feel much better about being on The Sinclair Method.

I hope that this helps someone else who is also wondering whether they are a TSM candidate, or not.

Until next time. Bye.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

A depressed week.

Oct 18th, 2016 by

Well I’ve had a traumatic couple of weeks. I felt quite depressed last week about something that someone said to me. The good news is that this depression was quite different to depressions that I have felt in the past. This is to do with the strength that I have gained from  not drinking so much alcohol. There is no doubt that when I was drinking a lot of alcohol my moods were up and down, and I was weaker, over all. Although I was strong some of the time, when I was drinking a lot, I was also very weak some of the time, as I was going from two weeks of being strong to two weeks of being weak. This time around I had quite a bit of strength, even though I was depressed.

I did become very quiet at work, during this depression, as I felt angry and withdrawn. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I had thought that my workmates would think that I was weird or rude because of it. I took a couple of days sick leave. I went back to work yesterday and although I know that a couple of my workmates are a bit unsure of me, most of them are talking to me like normal. I am sure that most of my workmates understand that I was just having a bad day. I wasn’t abusive to my workmates when I was quiet and withdrawn, I just stopped talking to them.

I’m slowly getting my confidence back and I’m making an effort to be friendly to my workmates. I just put down the fact that a couple of my workmates feel uneasy around me to not being able to please everyone. I, like everyone else can never please everyone, and although many people will understand that I was just in a bad mood that day, there are those who won’t like my behaviour. That will happen even if I was happy all the time though. ie. many people aren’t going to like me in this world no matter how I behave, and it’s the same for everyone else on this planet.

I am still growing. Although The Sinclair Method has been working on me for a good year now, my mind is still getting used to not relying on alcohol to sedate me. That takes time.

They say that The Sinclair Method will cure the average alcoholic in 3-6 months (it took me a year to fully recover but that’s okay), that is the physical drinking side of things but I find that the mental side of alcoholism takes longer to get over. It is no quicker in Alcoholics Anonymous though, in that I would say that most alcoholics are pretty sick for the first 5 years in AA. Moral: There is no quick way to recover from alcoholism, it takes years no matter how you do it.

Although my depression was a drag it still showed me that I am improving, in that I am slowly getting stronger.

Bring on growth!

Thanks for reading.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Social Phobia

Sep 22nd, 2016 by

In my last post I talked about how I don’t like being around people who are drinking. I have been doing some thinking about that, and I think that that isn’t the reason why I don’t like to socialise. I think that the reason why I don’t like to socialise is social anxiety. I never enjoyed parties, even in my twenties. I’ve always liked my own company and have never socialised much during my life, and I think that that’s because I feel so nervous when I’m around people, that I never enjoy myself. I become so angry and defensive when I have to go to work social functions, like the Christmas Party, because I don’t want to be there, I just go because I have to go. I believe that I really do have a Social Phobia, in that I avoid social situations as much as I can.

I went to the Chemist today to see if I could get some herbal pills to relieve this anxiety but the Chemist suggested that I see my doctor, as Valerian (a herbal relaxant) interacts with alcohol, and although I don’t drink much alcohol these days the Chemist said that I shouldn’t take Valerian. I have tried L-Theanine before but it doesn’t relax me in the slightest. I don’t want to go on more medication, and I may just spend the rest of my life avoiding socialisation as a result. I don’t know, I guess that the best thing that I can do is see my doctor about this. It sure does explain why I’m so different to other people though. I’ve always wondered why I hate parties and why other people love them. I’ve never been able to figure out why I’m so different in that regard, and perhaps this is the answer.

In some ways this is a big relief for me, in that now I know why I’m so different to other people. I’m not weird, I just feel very nervous around other people, so much so that I never enjoy myself when I socialise.

Perhaps my doctor can give me a medication with no side effects which will help me to relax. He is away at the moment so I have to wait until he’s back to talk to him. This anxiety has been with me for the last 34 odd years, so another week or so won’t matter.

I really thought that when I got my drinking under control everything would be fine but no, more problems!

Bye for now.

Tags:

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

What I’ve learned.

Sep 20th, 2016 by

Hi again,

We had a work function a few nights ago and I took my Naltrexone one hour before. I only had 2 small bottles of beer at the function as a result! Progress!

I don’t like socialising, and I think that that comes from the one year that I spent in Alanon. In Alanon I learned all about how terrible alcoholism is, and therefore I don’t like being around people when they are drinking. Also I guess until recently I have had cravings when I have drunk alcohol, so I used to feel so guilty when I went out drinking with other people. On the one hand I was disgusted that the other people were getting drunk, and on the other hand I was feeling guilty because I couldn’t stop drinking myself. It all led to my feeling very uncomfortable when I socialised. I therefore have been a closet drinker over the last 30 years, since Alanon.

All in all I didn’t enjoy this work function, due to my feeling uncomfortable around people drinking. Although I am able to control my drinking now, I still am aware that many other people can’t control theirs, and it makes me nervous, as alcoholics often become abusive when they drink. Also controlling my drinking is still new to me, and I still worry that I might end up hugging the bar, when I go out drinking with other people.

My father was an alcoholic and his behaviour was so unpredictable. He’d be very nice to me for a couple of weeks, and then he’d say horrible things out of the blue, when I was least  expecting it. I grew to hate him! As a result I am very, very wary around anyone who abuses alcohol.

I work with several alcoholics and it is tough going! I try to detach from them but it is difficult not to offend people, when you are trying to keep your emotional distance from them. One thing that has just come to me today though, and that is, it’s important to not be self righteous when dealing with alcoholics. 12 step people (which Alanon and Alcoholics Anonymous people are) tend to be self righteous. They think that they can do no wrong. When you disagree with them they just say that you are in denial. I don’t like such behaviour, and I don’t want to be like that! I realise that I have been like that, with my dealings with alcoholics, in the past. I have tended to think that alcoholics are just crazy, and that I am better than they are (I know it sounds a bit silly when I have been an alcoholic myself but I assure you that there are people in Alanon who are drinking alcoholics, and they are doing the same hypocritical thing that I have been doing for the past 30 years). It is difficult dealing with alcoholics though, and I’m only human, so I don’t quite know how work is going to end up for me. I don’t want to have conflicts at work but I have to deal with these alcoholics. So far, I have been able to get by, for the last 10 years at work, relatively unscathed but the future is unpredictable, and how long I can remain detached but working alongside these alcoholics, is anyone’s guess. Everyone has problems and has to deal with alcoholics in life, it’s not just me.

One thing that’s on my side is The Sinclair Method. Now that I can control my drinking, I am much stronger, emotionally, so I can handle abuse better than I used to be able to, when I was drinking heavily. I don’t feel so fragile anymore, so when an alcoholic abuses me I can ignore it more effectively now. But I still aren’t perfect, and never will be, and alcoholics can say some very, very hurtful things, which hurt even the strongest of us. So life is a tightrope sometimes, where if you go too far one way you fall, & if you go too far the other way you fall, so you just hold your breath and hope for the best. Sometimes things work out for people, and at other times they don’t, such is the risk of life.

So far I have been able to cope at work but tomorrow is another day. It’s not a tightrope every day but on some days it definitely is.

Thanks for reading.

Tags: ,

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Just a small post.

Sep 11th, 2016 by

Hi again.

If you want to see the Ambassador of The Sinclair Method give a short talk on how Naltrexone cured her, then click on this link.

http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/How-I-drank-more-to-overcome-al;search%3Aclaudia%20christian

 

Also if you have any questions about TSM (The Sinclair Method), then check out this forum.

http://www.thesinclairmethod.com/community/index.php?sid=7ebc07f939105501587e5050d12d3e31

Cheers.

Tags: , , ,

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

It’s been awhile.

Sep 8th, 2016 by

Hi again all.
I haven’t posted in quite awhile. Sorry about that!
I’m still on The Sinclair Method & have been doing very well on it. I hardly drink any alcohol at all nowadays.
Here is a graph showing my progress on The Sinclair Method.

Screenshot_2016-09-08-14-04-17

As you can see my drinking has improved a lot since starting on TSM (The Sinclair Method).

The Green line is 21 standard drinks per week, on average, as this is the maximum recommended intake for any male adult. The gradations at the side are in 10 standard drinks measurements. As you can see on February 2015, I was averaging 50 standard drinks a week. I actually started taking the Naltrexone 2 weeks before I started charting my drinking, so this graph starts 2 weeks into TSM. On the third month of taking Naltrexone my drinking went down quite a bit but it bounced back up the next month.
I now take 75mg of Naltrexone one hour before I ever drink any alcohol. I cut the 50mg tablets in half and swallow three halves. I’ve found that cutting all of the tablets in half helps them to absorb quicker in my stomach. Sometimes the tablets get stuck in the back of my throat but if they are cut in half it doesn’t matter because they break down faster that way, so they still get absorbed into my blood stream faster than when they are whole.
I found that I was still getting cravings on 50mg Naltrexone, and this can be seen in the spike in my drinking on March 2016. I had started off on 50mg, when I first started on TSM, then went up to 75mg, as I was still drinking too much. I then dropped back down to 50mg again, as I thought that I could save money, as Naltrexone is expensive when you take it every day. After being on 50mg again for about three months, my drinking started to go up again, as sure enough my cravings started to return, hence my spike in March 2016. I went back onto 75mg and my drinking tapered back down again, almost immediately.

Many people can stay on 50mg Naltrexone each dose, and that’ll work for them, I however need 75mg Naltrexone to take away all of my cravings. Some people even need 100mg Naltrexone each dose, and even a small percentage need 150mg per dose. It’s an individual thing, & it may take some experimenting to find the right dose for you, if 50mg is still causing cravings.
I have found that alcohol has changed it’s taste on TSM. It doesn’t taste very nice anymore. This is due to the fact that I rarely get high off it these days. When I was getting high off it, before TSM, I hardly noticed the taste, as the high was the primary reason for my drinking. Now that I hardly get high from it, I really notice the taste and it doesn’t taste very nice at all!
I used to sometimes drink 1/2 a cask of wine each night prior to TSM (that’s 2 bottles of wine each night). Now I drink about two or three nights a week, and will drink about 2 small bottles of Victoria Bitter beer each time.
The cost of Naltrexone is expensive, when you take it every night but taking it every night is just something that you need to do for the first few months. After that you should start to taper down on your drinking without any effort, and drink less often, so you spend less on the Naltrexone. As an example, I used to buy two and a half casks of wine each week, when I was at the height of my alcohol abuse. That was costing me about $65 each week on alcohol. Now when I drink 3 nights a week (and that is about the most that I ever drink these days), I spend about $21 on Naltrexone (it works out to be $7 NZ for a 75mg Naltrexone dose but if you take 50mg Naltrexone then it works out to be only $4.70 NZ each dose!) and $12 on the bottles of beer, each week (they’re about $2 each). That means that I am saving $32 each week on alcohol, overall. So you see that TSM will save you money in the long run. What’s more is that the beer costs more money than casked wine does, so I’d actually be saving more if I was still drinking casked wine! It’s a win/win. My liver is no longer inflamed, I’m spending much less than I was on alcohol (including the Naltrexone), and I’m definitely happier!
Thanks for reading.
Until next time, happy TSMing!

Tags: , , ,

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

I’m taking Naltrexone now.

Dec 16th, 2014 by

Hi again.
I’ve been cutting 50mg tablets of Naltrexone in half & have been taking the half pill (25mg) at 5-30pm every day. I’ve been doing it for two days now. It’s still early days but I am sure that even only after two days I’ve lost some interest in alcohol.
The theory of The Sinclair Method is that you pop a Naltrexone pill (usually it’s 50mg) one hour before you drink any alcohol & eventually your cravings will diminish (it usually takes 4 to 6 months of doing this for it to work. It is recommended to start on half a dose for the first three to four times so that your body can adjust to it). As I have already spent the last 32 years in recovery, I’ve healed a lot so I just have to get over the minor cravings that I still have & I don’t think that that will take longer than a few months.
If anyone reading this wants to try The Sinclair Method because you drink too much, then I recommend getting a copy of the book “The Cure for Alcoholism” by Roy Eskapa. It’s available on Amazon & is available in Kindle format. You can also order a paperback version through your local bookstore. It really explains, in an easy to read style, everything that you and your doctor, need to know about taking Naltrexone to cure alcoholism. The Sinclair Method is a woefully underpublisized cure for alcoholism. It is a medical breakthrough but so few doctors have heard about it! Wikipedia also has a good article on The Sinclair Method, if you want some more info.
All the best until next time.

Tags: , , ,

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

A bit of everything again.

Dec 4th, 2014 by

Today I went from hating my job to liking it, to hating it again, then to liking it, then to hating it again etc. Man I was on a rollercoaster ride today! I think that where I work is stressful & the staff become very stressed & they bitch at me & at each other. I need to be aware of this from now on. I’ve always “expected” people to be nice to me & the reality is that when other people are under pressure they just haven’t the strength to be nice to everyone. I know that I am moody & resentful when I am under pressure & as a result I have behaved badly towards other people (even at this job I’ve said & done horrible things to the other staff at times), so I should be able to understand that they are just as human as I am. It is probably because my dad was a drunk that I expect everyone to always be nice to me. I think that all Adult Children of Alcoholics are like that, & yet if we take an honest look at ourselves we are just as grumpy & moody, when umder pressure as everyone else is.
Of course many of my workmates are alcoholics (which is the same in any workplace), so they are definately often going to be grumpy, moody, & sarcastic.
I just have to harden up if I’m ever going to recover. This to me is what growth is all about. ie. hardening up. I have hardened up a lot, over the last 30 years, ever since I started to look at myself, but obviously I still have more work to do on myself yet.
Hopefully, now that I’m aware that everyone isn’t going to be nice to me at work, & that that’s what you get from working in a stressful environment, then I’ll be able to accept reality as it is, & let the hurtfull comments slide right off me, instead of holding on to them.
Tomorrow night I’ll have some wine as I deserve a break from reality. It’s been quite a stressful week. I’ve only had one glass of wine all week, so to binge in the weekend won’t damage my liver. Anyway I find that affirmations go deeper in to my subconscious when I get drunk. It’s like when your mind is relaxed then affirmations sink in deeper, & drinking alcohol is a great way to relax the mind.
I’m getting there (I’m hardening up, in other words). It’s a slow journey but I have never regretted taking it.
See ya.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Older Posts »